Somebody help me!!!!!!!!!

Anti Lala please help me out.  My heart is heavy as I write this and I’m at  crossroads.  I am confused and depressed as I write. I just  need someone to talk to. I just discovered that my husband of three years plus Is HIV positive. I didn’t know before I married him.  Since our marriage,  we have been trying to have children but God has not blessed us yet. Last November,  a letter came to the house and I don’t know why I opened it and it was  a letter from one association of AIDS sufferers. I got interested because I thought that maybe he is helping them as a philanthropist. It was there I read that he is a member.  There were details of treatment and so many things like that.  It was then it occurred to me to check the medicine he takes everyday in the fridge which he says is to control blood pressure and sugar Level. Anti,  I took the name and Googled and they say it is an ARV. I wanted to die!   I asked him as soon as he came back from work o. I could not do that thing you preach preach that,  wait till later when he has calmed down. He denied it at first then I produced the letter and he began to beg me that it’s true. I asked how long ago he has been with the disease he said long before he married me. Anti, I wanted to just die. I have been having sex with my husband not knowing he Is suffering from AIDS. I thank God that I have done two tests since November and I am negative.  You don’t know how happy I am with God that this thing did not catch me. Aunty,  since then,  I have stopped sex because I feel betrayed and let down. He said we can be using condom and I can protect myself but how can we have children if we are using barriers Anti?  How??? I am not even concerned about babies for now ma. My heart is bitter against my husband. What If he had infected me ma? What if I had got pregnant and the child caught the disease? I am afraid of exposing him even if I want to leave.  What will I say made me leave? I don’t allow him touch me again and the house is tensed and we hardly talk to each another. This is not how I planned my life. I’m still young ma. I am sad. Is divorce wrong? Am I sinning against God if I leave him? I don’t trust him again. At all.

Please let your friends advise me.

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